Welcome to the Family
by clarinetgirl2427
Summary: (AU) Leila was raised by John and Harold as well as their many associates. She's now bringing home her college boyfriend for Christmas. The poor boy doesn't have a clue what's in store for him. This story is a bit late, but I think it will still be enjoyable. There's no slash in this story.


Chapter 1- The Aunts and Uncles

**Author's Note: **I was listening to "Welcome to the Family" by Little Big Town and this idea popped into my head. I thought it'd be funny, so I began to write it. Of course, it grew from the initial thought for a one-shot into this monstrosity. There'll be more chapters. AU, very incredibly AU. I don't own "Person of Interest", be incredibly thankful for that. This still needs work, but I think it's good enough to post and start getting opinions. Please review. Thanks.

-Clarinetgirl

•••

Leila, an eighteen year old blonde beauty, gets into the backseat of a car sent by her uncle. Her boyfriend, after helping load their bags in the trunk, joins her. "Josh, don't be nervous." She grabs his hand to comfort him. "Do you remember who's who? Would you feel better if we reviewed?"

"I think so. Who's the one with the money?"

"Uncle Harold."

"And who's former military?"

"Uncle John and Aunt Joss."

"Aunt Joss and Uncle Lionel are NYPD."

"Right."

"It's Aunt Zoe and Uncle John, right?"

"No, they used to be together, but now Aunt Zoe's with Uncle Harold."

"Then it's Aunt Joss he's with?" He is so confused.

"God no, Uncle Lionel would have a fit."

"So who's Uncle John with?" He frustratedly runs his hand through his hair.

"Aunt Cara, beware she's quite a bitch, and should Uncle Mark show up, take cover. He's her ex, and their breakup was rather brutal. Now, who else?"

"There are your cousins Taylor and Lee. Taylor is Aunt Joss's, and Lee's Uncle Lionel's?"

"Right."

"There's your brother Nathan, who's... Uncle John's?"

She shakes her head. "Uncle Harold and Aunt Zoe's. His age?"

"16. Why is your family so complicated?"

"This is the condensed version. Continue." He starts to have a minor panic attack. "It's okay. It's all going to be fine. I'll be with you every step of the way."

•••

John Reese enters his best friend's library. He naturally finds Harold hard at work at his computer station. "Finch, tell me you've run a background check on this boy."

Harold's eyes remain glued to his screens, refusing to miss a single detail. "Thoroughly, I'm double checking now, and Zoe is working her angles as well. So far, no red flags. From our experiences, I'm not sure if I should be relieved or very much concerned."

"I find a mix of both usually seems about right." He places a fresh cup of tea in front of Harold.

"And I'd hazard a guess, that's why you keep getting shot." Harold's eyes finally leave the screen as he reaches for his tea. He leans back in his chair as he relaxes to let his computers do their work.

"I keep getting shot because people tend to shoot at me."

They are interrupted by Harold's cell, playing "Sexy Back". Harold ignores his partner's amused look. After eighteen years with Zoe, he has learned it's best to simply pretend it did not happen and move on. "Zoe, did you find anything?"

"Hi Honey, it's nice to hear your voice too."

"I'm sorry. Hello dear, is there anything interesting you have to tell me?"

"Nothing, damn kid's clean, sadly. I was looking forward to Papa Wolf John."

"I can promise, with 100% certainty, that you will still see that."

He can tell she's pleased by this. Cautiously, she asks, "Did you happen to give Leon my new number?"

"Of course not." At John's inquisitive look, Harold tilts the phone away from his mouth and speaks to him. "Could you possibly pay a visit to Mister Tao and remind him that I don't appreciate him annoying my wife?" John's eyes twinkle and he smirks broadly as he hurries out to find Leon.

"That's cruel." Zoe tries to remain deadpan, but her amusement is very clear to Harold.

"You knew I was going to send John." He pauses a moment to let her enjoy herself. "And Zoe?"

"Yes Dear?" She knows what he is about to say and is obviously amused with herself.

"Please leave my cellphone alone, I beg you." She laughs at his expense. "I beseech you."

"I have an important meeting." She sighs, and they both know she has no intention of listening to him. "I love you Harold."

"And I, you Zoe." They both hang up as he returns to his computers.

•••

Joss and Lionel sit at their favorite diner finishing their usual lunch. Joss pushes her plate away as she brings up the topic they've both been avoiding for a week. "I hope she warned that boy about all the crazy he's about to walk into."

Lionel looks up from his last piece of steak to study her face. "Are you talking about the crazy in general or Cara specifically?" he asks jokily.

She glares at him. "I really hate that woman."

"I know." He responds, glad his distraction worked.

"I don't get what John sees in her."

"Stop being jealous that she landed him."

She glares at him again. "Watch it Fusco, you may find yourself very lonely tonight." She turns her attention to the people passing by outside.

Lionel pushes the last of his lunch away. "Hey look at me." He waits for her attention. "Seriously, you were taken, and Glasses got Zoe. What other options did he have?"

"Not her."

"Who then?"

Frustrated, "I don't know."

Lionel decides to change the subject back to Leila. "I'm just waiting for Wonder boy to kneecap him. Now can we get back to the case so we can actually make it to dinner? I'm sick of Finch giving me those looks when it's your fault we're always late." He pays the bill as she goes to warmup their car.


End file.
